Even There

The call came Monday afternoon. A representative from Ochsner in New Orleans was calling to set up our first consultation with their facility. It was time to face the reality of what is coming after chemo. Stem cell transplant. Reality started setting in.

Like a heavy wet coat, I felt the weight of what was coming. The doctor has been very clear with us – the amyloid can and will be flushed out through this treatment plan. But there is no way out of the truth that it only happens if we follow through with the transplant.

Throughout that evening I could feel the weight of what we were about to face in the coming weeks. Life changing decisions. An event that we may not want to walk through but is actually necessary for life itself. At least the life of my husband. Without the transplant, this rare form of amyloid will start once again to reproduce itself and begin to eat away life from the inside out.

All of Monday evening I fought the tears off and on. I knew I needed to stop my own thoughts and the questions racing in my mind. That peace that had been carrying me now seemed out of reach. As I finally was able to get alone, quite my mind and process it all with my Father, immediately came familiar words from Psalm 139.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

David knew the heaviness of life changing events. He recognized that no matter what came his way, even there God was with him. He went from shepherd boy to giant slayer; the court of a king to a fugitive on the run; and once he was crowned as King, he faced a rebellion. But in all the twists and turns of his life, he realized that no matter where he was or what he walked through, even there God was still with him.

Life often comes with unexpected events. In the past couple of years everyone’s way of life has faced one twist and turn after another as our world has walked through a pandemic, changes in world leaderships, and back to back natural disasters. Here in the South we understand the importance of being prepared for life threatening storms. Each time a hurricane forms and heads for a spot of coastline, camera crews head to that coast ready to share the story of the impact. But whether boats are taken to a different location or left in the marina with hopes of withstanding the storm, each of them have found some place to drop their anchor.

Like those boats, our lives need an anchor. We need that ‘something to hang onto’ when the unexpected happens. This past Monday once my spirit was regaining peace, I started to realize the storm I needed to prepare for and a simple song rang in my heart.

In times like these you need a Savior
In times like these you need an anchor
Be very sure, be very sure
Your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock This Rock is Jesus, Yes He’s the One
This Rock is Jesus, the only One
Be very sure, be very sure
Your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock

My anchor! He is my anchor!! Jesus. I have seen good times. I have faced times of hurt and betrayal. Joys and sorrows. Laughter and shattered pieces. To hear our story one might think, “How did you not fall apart?” Well, in truth at times it felt like I had. But in the end, my Anchor held me in place. I might have shown the marks of a beating, but I remained.

And even there, He was with me.

Just like those boats in the storm, no matter what you are told is coming your way, there is an anchor to hold onto. His name is Jesus. He is the anchor of our very souls. You might be clinging today to that anchor with what feels is all that is left with in you. Just know that even there He is holding you.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Kaylene Hand says:

    Standing with you believing that God has placed the right people in your path the right treatments the right decisions that will ultimately be a part of your testimony and your family’s testimony it is the Lord we depend on. I laid and cried through my last radiation treatment not out of sadness or self pity but out of thankfulness that even though the journey was not pleasant I truly know God s hand was in it and all glory is His!!!! Continuing prayers for you and Ralph and your family your drs anyone who touches your case may see the joy of the Lord in your lives


    1. Thank you so much. That is my hope! I never want the focus to be our situation or the disease. Those things exist. But our focus is to walk through it with God and be a living testimony of hope in Him.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.